Non Custodial Responsibility

Thank you to everyone that commented on my prior post “That’s what Child Support Is For!” I knew I would get many responses. For the record I believe that child support is to support children in their home to maintain the same standard of living that they were accustom to prior to the separation. That includes cost associated with the home (heat, electrical, water, etc.) food and the children’s personal needs such as clothing and other items. I want to point out I indicated in their home. I feel that the non custodial parent should have basics available for his children when they are in their care.

One of the comments left by Anonymous said this… “Maybe you asked the wrong question... If the non custodial parent is paying child support - do they need to pay for anything else when the child is with them? Like clothing, diapers, formula etc. Or does the payment of child support mean that the custodial parent then has to provide EVERYTHING for the child?”

I think this is a very good question. I like the comment left in the prior post “I don't see you asking for packed lunches and dinners and toilet paper for the older kids, why should formula and diapers be any different.” These items are all consumables, they are things that are being used in the non custodian’s home, not in the primary residence of the child, why should child support cover those expenses when the non custodial parent is capable of providing those items?

Let me tell you what I am doing and you tell me if you think I am being too difficult.

I am currently letting my older children take their own clothing, toys, etc, to and from their dad’s house as they desire. No restrictions, regardless of who purchased it. They are old enough to take care of their own things and they are responsible for their own items.
I recently stopped providing clothing for my 2 year old. Why you ask? My 2 year old is not old enough to be responsible for his things, if he is eating chocolate ice cream in his new shirt and he is not told to put on a bib, he won’t, and he won’t care how much chocolate will stain his clothing. He can’t pack his own things and I don’t like packing clothing and not getting everything back, one shirt showed back up after missing for almost a year. On one occasion I picked up my son after he had stayed at his dad’s house late and his dad was kind enough to give him a bath, but I was handed a child wrapped in a blanket with only a diaper on, in the winter, because he did not have an extra set of pajamas or clothes. I don’t think that is right. I understand that children grow and that they may not get the use out of an outfit that was purchased for them, so if money is an issue then don’t buy the name brands. When my son is old enough to care what he is wearing, and to care for his things I will not have a problem with him taking his own clothing to his dad’s house. But until then I believe that his dad has a responsibility to care for him and his needs.

Right now when the ex spends a few hours with the baby, I do provide formula, diapers and extra clothing, toys, etc. I do this because he is not regularly visiting with him and I don’t have a problem with providing him these things for such short visits. When he starts seeing him regularly I do expect that he provide the all of these items.

So you tell me, am I being mean, difficult or an all around B-word for expecting that non custodial parents should be responsible for providing the basic needs of their children while they are in their care?