Blessing Day

Sunday, March 1st, 2009

Cameron Lee Bunker was blessed today. He was given a name that will be on the church records from this day forward. I have been looking forward to this day for a very long time. So long, that I had anticipated it even prior to his birth.

I had very strong feelings about this blessing, I mean VERY strong feelings. I did not want Donovan to give his son this blessing. I felt that way almost from the time I accepted the fact that I was pregnant. Why should he… he walked away from his family, knowing this new life was coming, he was not there when he came into this world, he has not been there every day and night of his life, what relationship does he have with this precious little boy? What gives him the right to bless Cameron?

I looked forward to this day. I spent $60 on a blessing outfit that I felt was perfect. I made plans to have a former home teacher, who has become a good family friend, have the honor of doing the blessing and then I received the phone call, “…wait, Lore…” I am not sure what else was said. I just remember Donovan asking me to wait, and let him do the blessing. I told him I needed to think about it and I would call him back.

Months… months… I had waited for this day, I did not want him part of it! So why was I hesitating, crying and on my knees asking for help? My answer… “ask him why…”

After several days of struggling with the idea of talking to Donovan about this, I broke down and called. Why do you want to do this, I asked. I don’t know if it was his answers as much as it was the feeling I had inside that he needed to do this. So I waited.

Two months have passed, that super cute outfit was too small today, a little short and I had to keep the top snap undone around his neck because it was too tight. But that did not matter.

Donovan gave him a wonderful blessing that I knew he could. When he started, I knew he was supposed to give him this blessing. I felt a wave of comfort that I needed to ease my tension.

Cameron was perfect, not a peep, I believe he too felt the spirit and was comforted; otherwise he would have spit up on him.

After sacrament, Donovan had another family blessing to attend, and asked if the kids could go. Of course they can, they are family.

When I returned home from church to a quiet house, I felt so alone. The stress leading up to this day came pouring out; I just sat down and cried, holding Cameron in my arms. As I cried he started to smile, and I realized that all that mattered today was that he receive a beautiful blessing, and that I am so blessed to have him in my life. We may not have a perfect family, but the love I have for him is more powerful than the loneliness I feel inside.

Today was not easy for me, it was not how I planned it, no pictures were taken to remember who was there or how they looked, there was no family gathering afterwards to celebrate, but in the end, I am a little bit stronger today than I was yesterday.