I laughed for a minute and cried for an hour

It has been over a year since Donovan moved out, over 6 months since our divorce was final, and one month since I had his baby, and no I am not over it yet.
I can put up a tough outside, and for months I have to admit I felt absolutely NOTHING for him, a complete absence of feeling. Recently I have felt more, maybe it is the baby, ya, I am sure that has a lot to do with it, but I don’t like it!
I knew when I decided to not have him in the delivery room it was because I would not be able to handle him being nice, but last night it was just a simple text message at around 4am that made me laugh, smile and remember how I used to be able to send him messages and be funny. That was when I felt something I had not felt for so long it upset me. I don’t like when I remember how much I cared about him and loved him. I spent the next hour crying quietly into my pillow. It was icing on my already emotional day.

This brings up another topic I want to share; dating. No I am not dating, no I have not been on any dates and no I don’t want to. I am not ready. Mentally I don’t know how I would handle it, emotionally I know I can’t. So please don’t bother me about it, I have been asked twice just today if I have started dating, the answer is still no.

Did you catch that Cameron is one month today. He keeps my mind off of the things I can’t deal with, like people asking me if I am dating or problems with insurance and other stuff I just don’t want to get into. I am truly blessed to have him in my life, even if it means sleepless nights. Happy one month little goober.