Recently my Blog has become a little more interesting.
Apparently my writing style has come into question. Not everyone appreciates my honesty, my candor or how open I am with my life.
Some people that read my Blog are worried that this type of writing style may harm my children. That my kids do not need to read how hurt I am at times, that they do not need to read how the actions of their dad’s affect me and them. I can understand their worry and I appreciate that they care for the well being of my children. To them I have the following comments:
1. The post that started the chain of comments was about a true feeling that I was experience at the time. The events that led up to that post were real, the Rosenlof are actual people, friends, who have gone to the ends of the earth to save their children in Haiti and the Stalker family almost lost their child to a drowning incident that happened in their bathroom. The emotions I felt at the time I wrote that post were real. If I felt anger, I felt anger; if I felt sadness I felt sadness. I write what I feel; I believe that holding back those feelings and not expressing them are in the long run far more harmful. Teaching children that it is ok to have these types of emotions and how to deal with them is healthy, not hurtful in my opinion.
2. Maybe it is not the emotion that is offending you, but the content. I write about my life, what is happening around me. What my family and I have been doing, things that have been said and what we are going through or anything else that I pick out of the air to write about on that particular day. That may include topics that you are not comfortable with, people make mistakes in their lives, some that affect others, and some choices have consequences; whether I am a victim of these or the one who made them I am not the final judge, nor are you. You are entitled to your own opinion, and so am I, so I will write about them if I want to. I found it interesting that it had been months of “happy posts”, and yes I mean months of fluffy living-in-the-clouds kind of posts and the first one I write with actual hard core feeling and emotion stirs up the comments that were made… that in actuality had little to do with that post, and more about the fact that I wrote it.
3. There has to be a reason that you read my Blog. Outside of my friends and family, there are many I do not know. I do not have a problem with the many readers that are out there that I have never met, they do not know me outside of my Blog, and yet they are always welcome to read and leave comments and remain “Anonymous.” Some people get my Blog through a link of a friend, others stumble on it by accident, but whatever it may be, many come back often. What brings you back, pictures of my cute kids- there are plenty of cute kids in the world so that can’t be it, what is it? Are you simply Blog stalking to read that next post where I may say something regarding an ex-husband, where I may actually vent how I am feeling? This takes me to my next point.
4. Do you think that some of the people that read this Blog do so because they can relate? They too have had infidelity affect their lives, or they are single mothers, or have a teen that just wants to have the father figures in her life love her, whatever it may be you need to realize that these are MY experiences. Mine! Not yours, as similar as they may be EVERYONE is affected differently and may have a different way to heal, and deal with their lives. As strongly as you may feel that your way of dealing with things is the best way, and it may be for you, but it may not work for everyone. But in the end we CAN help each other, and if my way of dealing with things is not your way, then laugh at it and move on, if it helps in some small way then appreciate it, and if you prefer to not hear about it don’t read it!
5. In the end you need to know that I am going to continue to write the way I have always written. As with any written work, it is written in the point of view of the writer, in this case that is me, Lore Bunker. I may be blunt, brutal or nasty as one comment stated, but it is my life according to me. The funny thing is that I have a feeling that you will be checking back and reading it too. Maybe you will just be checking back to see what I have to say about you or my ex’s, so to all those involved in the “controversial Blog” ‘How do you turn your back??’ well here you go:
a. Anonymous Chicago: I never got a negative feeling from your comments, just genuine concern for my children. Thank you. I am sure that the events in your life have impacted your view on how you read my Blog. I assure you that ALL of my children love their dads very much, and that I am not feeding them negative or harmful information about the men they love. But I will not hide the emotions I have, they have a difficult enough time expressing and understanding their emotions as it is. They need to learn how to manage their emotions, and learn that no matter how painful some can be, you can move on and be happy.
b. Anonymous Centerville: It is apparent that you know some of the players in my world. I hope that going forward you can see this Blog from my point of view. My intention is never to be hurtful or to cause problems; I want the best for my kids in this not so perfect situation!
c. Brian Mease: Being your friend is not an issue, when I have tried to talk to you, you do not want to listen. We have nothing to say to each other outside of Alexis. It is not a secret that I think you should have a better relationship with her. I have NEVER told her anything negative about you as I am completely aware of the fact that you can be a great dad. I do feel that it is YOUR responsibility to foster that relationship and not mine, I can tell her that I feel that family is important till I am blue in the face and it will not matter if you never pick up a phone and call her- and I do mean pick it up, a text may be good for a quick HI, but it will never build a relationship.
d. Heidi Mease: I know you read my Blog. For whatever reason, to keep up to date on Alexis, to see what I may say about Brian or to find something about me to talk about, whatever it may be feel free to continue.
e. Melanie Ridgeway, Becky Heyder: AKA the wrath and peanut gallery. Thank you for being there to support me and for taking the time to get to know me so that you can understand my point of view.
f. Donovan Bunker: I think you are a wonderful man who cares for his children and for that I will be forever grateful. I pray that you will be able to continue this type of relationship with your children even when you have moved on and started another family. I have seen how you can be easily distracted and put the people that love you most aside for something fresh and new. I will always feel sadness and hurt for the way you walked out of Alexis’s life and how you turned your back on her. As for me, I have forgiven you, it is not my place to judge you and holding onto the pain you caused me would only lead me to a life of unhappiness. I know now that we are better people not being married to each other. I know that you would like me to be your friend but I will never be able to do that, I will always be cordial and polite while talking to you, but you are nothing more to me than a contract that was signed by a judge and I have to live by.
As always comments are welcome.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Thursday, February 11, 2010
The 12,000 Mark
With all the craziness in my life the past few weeks I forgot that I wanted to stop and thank all my readers! My plan was to have a big celebration for the person who was my 12,000 reader. But being sick I completely missed the mark. So all you get is this small Blog entry.
So this is a little late, but here is goes;
CONGRATULATIONS
So this is a little late, but here is goes;
CONGRATULATIONS
to my 12,000 visitor!
The honors go to:
The honors go to:
Mystery person with a XANGO ip address.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
My Gynecologist Has A Flaw
Ya you read it right, there is an issue with my OB! Don’t get me wrong, I still love the guy, and I honestly think he is kinda hot, and it doesn’t matter that he delivered all my kids, or that I have been going to him since I was 17, he has a flaw.
When I had my last appointment I was just getting over a sinus infection and I was complaining about the antibiotic that they gave me. I told him that in my opinion that it basically sucked. So being the awesome Dr. that he is asked if I wanted a prescription for the next sinus infection (I get them all the time) and see if it would help, the antibiotic he recommended was MUCH stronger.
So I have had this little RX bottle for about 2 months now, even took it on the cruise with me JUST IN CASE I got sick. Well just over a week ago I started to get the headaches, sinus pressure and all the other signs of a sinus infection that I get so excited about and I thought to myself! HA! I can fix this!
So just before bed I took one of those magic antibiotics pills. Good thing the next morning was a Saturday, I felt like trash! My head was swimming, I was dizzy and it basically took everything in me to just stay awake. So I gave in and went to bed. Turns out I slept most of the weekend. Good thing I have incredible neighbors that made sure the needs of my kids were met. In addition to great kids who looked after the little ones and even made sure I ate.
By the time Monday rolled around I felt like I had my head permanently in a gold fish bowl. My equilibrium was off a wee bit. At work I walked with my hand trailing on the wall to make sure I did not fall over. And what made me mad was that I forgot to take my medicine that day!
Tuesday was a little bit better. I could almost walk in a straight line again and for the most part I could breathe real good; that sinus infection was clearing up! Good thing I remembered to take my medicine that morning- I was determined to beat this thing!
Wednesday… I don’t remember much of Wednesday… I think I slept. But I made sure I took my antibiotic!
Thursday I got up, took one look in the mirror and I decided to stay home. I was covered in spots, hives… or some kind of attractive rash and I did not want to expose the world to this! So I was going to drop off Cameron at daycare and go home to sleep- again (apparently my thinking to expose small children was acceptable.)
It was about this time that I start thinking I have brought home the Western Caribbean Virus, you know like the West Nile Virus but different. Or worse, some rare strain of swine that they don’t tell the public about; the kind people DIE from! Then my cell phone rang, it was Mike at work, they needed me to come in for a conference call regarding a weekly report we send to the client. Ummm… ok, I can do this.
I sat at work covered in spots; secretly hopping I am not the center of some mass Caribbean Swine outbreak. I have good co-workers, we care about each other, and apparently they were a little worried that I was contagious too and wanted to rule it out, so they told me to go to the Dr. I gave in and made an appointment.
So it turns out that 10 years ago I was given this same antibiotic- and I had a difficult time breathing on it. Hu, go figure, I am allergic to the antibiotic…well if I would have stopped breathing this time I would have stopped taking the dang stuff! But no, apparently I was slowly taking out my white blood cells and trying to knock myself off (the hard way).
So, that flaw my OB has. Well he is not linked to the IHC medical system. If he was he would have seen that I am allergic to this particular antibiotic and I could have avoided this whole thing.
No worries, I am not spreading any major virus and I am feeling much better!! (and I still plan on seeing that OB-like I said he’s hot!)
When I had my last appointment I was just getting over a sinus infection and I was complaining about the antibiotic that they gave me. I told him that in my opinion that it basically sucked. So being the awesome Dr. that he is asked if I wanted a prescription for the next sinus infection (I get them all the time) and see if it would help, the antibiotic he recommended was MUCH stronger.
So I have had this little RX bottle for about 2 months now, even took it on the cruise with me JUST IN CASE I got sick. Well just over a week ago I started to get the headaches, sinus pressure and all the other signs of a sinus infection that I get so excited about and I thought to myself! HA! I can fix this!
So just before bed I took one of those magic antibiotics pills. Good thing the next morning was a Saturday, I felt like trash! My head was swimming, I was dizzy and it basically took everything in me to just stay awake. So I gave in and went to bed. Turns out I slept most of the weekend. Good thing I have incredible neighbors that made sure the needs of my kids were met. In addition to great kids who looked after the little ones and even made sure I ate.
By the time Monday rolled around I felt like I had my head permanently in a gold fish bowl. My equilibrium was off a wee bit. At work I walked with my hand trailing on the wall to make sure I did not fall over. And what made me mad was that I forgot to take my medicine that day!
Tuesday was a little bit better. I could almost walk in a straight line again and for the most part I could breathe real good; that sinus infection was clearing up! Good thing I remembered to take my medicine that morning- I was determined to beat this thing!
Wednesday… I don’t remember much of Wednesday… I think I slept. But I made sure I took my antibiotic!
Thursday I got up, took one look in the mirror and I decided to stay home. I was covered in spots, hives… or some kind of attractive rash and I did not want to expose the world to this! So I was going to drop off Cameron at daycare and go home to sleep- again (apparently my thinking to expose small children was acceptable.)
It was about this time that I start thinking I have brought home the Western Caribbean Virus, you know like the West Nile Virus but different. Or worse, some rare strain of swine that they don’t tell the public about; the kind people DIE from! Then my cell phone rang, it was Mike at work, they needed me to come in for a conference call regarding a weekly report we send to the client. Ummm… ok, I can do this.
I sat at work covered in spots; secretly hopping I am not the center of some mass Caribbean Swine outbreak. I have good co-workers, we care about each other, and apparently they were a little worried that I was contagious too and wanted to rule it out, so they told me to go to the Dr. I gave in and made an appointment.
So it turns out that 10 years ago I was given this same antibiotic- and I had a difficult time breathing on it. Hu, go figure, I am allergic to the antibiotic…well if I would have stopped breathing this time I would have stopped taking the dang stuff! But no, apparently I was slowly taking out my white blood cells and trying to knock myself off (the hard way).
So, that flaw my OB has. Well he is not linked to the IHC medical system. If he was he would have seen that I am allergic to this particular antibiotic and I could have avoided this whole thing.
No worries, I am not spreading any major virus and I am feeling much better!! (and I still plan on seeing that OB-like I said he’s hot!)
Monday, February 8, 2010
How do you turn your back??
Today I read two blogs that touched my heart and have me truly appreciating my children. The first is the one many of you may have visited; I have a link to the Countdown to Homecoming Blog at the top of my page. Brent and Lori’s Blog has captured the attention of so many people with their trials and struggles of adopting two children from Haiti.
The second one I came across today; The Staker family. I was reading through the updates on the Blogs I follow and when I read the entry is was short and simple, asking for support and prayers for a friend, I was directed to a link to another that was chronicling the recent events in their life regarding a tragedy involving their son.
As I sat reading with tears streaming down my face the image of my two young boys in a similar situation washed over me… how awful it would be to have anything to happen to them, or any of my children. I am so truly blessed to have them in my life.
It was after the wave of emotions washed over me, and I dried up all the tears and touched up my makeup that the last wave of emotion hit me... Anger!
I hate the fact that I have to “split” my time with their dad...not knowing what is happening to them, are they ok, do they need anything, are they eating, etc, etc, etc. I really hate not having them around on the weekends that they are gone.
More Anger!
I have FIVE children, FIVE… Each of those amazing five kids has a dad… so why is it that of the 5 kids only four spend time with their dad?
Sure she is a teenager, has a life of her own, and all of the attitude that comes with the age, but how do you just turn your back? So you did not have to struggle and wait 2 years to get her from another country; you wanted to start a family and it started with her. Pray tragedy never has to hit before you appreciate the life that she is.
How do you just turn your back on her? An earthquake rocked the world of a little boy for Brent and Lori and they took drastic measures to save him, to bring him home. The Staker family is holding on to every ounce of hope that their son will recover; regretting the moment their back was turned, for just a brief moment.
Don’t try to excuse your behavior or blame it on her for your lack of a relationship, for your inability to communicate with her or because you have lost touch with whom she is. You are the adult. She is that precious little girl that you held in your arms and wanted to protect as a small child. Only the outside has changed. She is still the same precious child who needs to be protected; longs to be acknowledged, loved and admired.
How do you turn your back? Is it pride? Arrogance?
Is it too difficult to pick up a phone and call, and when that fails, call again and again and NOT give up because YOU’RE the adult? You are the one that has to PROVE you love her. That YOUR world would be rocked if anything happened to her! YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO PROVE! Not her!
Tonight I am going to be giving ALL of my kids a big hug tonight. I am thankful that they have been given to me to watch over. Thankful that I have moments like today to realize that every day I have with them is precious.
I won’t turn my back.
The second one I came across today; The Staker family. I was reading through the updates on the Blogs I follow and when I read the entry is was short and simple, asking for support and prayers for a friend, I was directed to a link to another that was chronicling the recent events in their life regarding a tragedy involving their son.
As I sat reading with tears streaming down my face the image of my two young boys in a similar situation washed over me… how awful it would be to have anything to happen to them, or any of my children. I am so truly blessed to have them in my life.
It was after the wave of emotions washed over me, and I dried up all the tears and touched up my makeup that the last wave of emotion hit me... Anger!
I hate the fact that I have to “split” my time with their dad...not knowing what is happening to them, are they ok, do they need anything, are they eating, etc, etc, etc. I really hate not having them around on the weekends that they are gone.
More Anger!
I have FIVE children, FIVE… Each of those amazing five kids has a dad… so why is it that of the 5 kids only four spend time with their dad?
Sure she is a teenager, has a life of her own, and all of the attitude that comes with the age, but how do you just turn your back? So you did not have to struggle and wait 2 years to get her from another country; you wanted to start a family and it started with her. Pray tragedy never has to hit before you appreciate the life that she is.
How do you just turn your back on her? An earthquake rocked the world of a little boy for Brent and Lori and they took drastic measures to save him, to bring him home. The Staker family is holding on to every ounce of hope that their son will recover; regretting the moment their back was turned, for just a brief moment.
Don’t try to excuse your behavior or blame it on her for your lack of a relationship, for your inability to communicate with her or because you have lost touch with whom she is. You are the adult. She is that precious little girl that you held in your arms and wanted to protect as a small child. Only the outside has changed. She is still the same precious child who needs to be protected; longs to be acknowledged, loved and admired.
How do you turn your back? Is it pride? Arrogance?
Is it too difficult to pick up a phone and call, and when that fails, call again and again and NOT give up because YOU’RE the adult? You are the one that has to PROVE you love her. That YOUR world would be rocked if anything happened to her! YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO PROVE! Not her!
Tonight I am going to be giving ALL of my kids a big hug tonight. I am thankful that they have been given to me to watch over. Thankful that I have moments like today to realize that every day I have with them is precious.
I won’t turn my back.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
I'm Expecting ...again!!
This is an excerpt of an actual IM conversation I had with my sister today…
Me: SO I am like a PIG right now.That is what I am sayen....
Tracy: ...so I ate a candy bar for breakfast.
Me: Yesterday I had a donut, hot chocolate and pizza, a bag of honey cashews, AND M&M's.. all while at work!!
Today I have had a Fiber one bar, and a bag of Doritos and 1/2 a bottle of water, but I also got a bag of Cheetos and Gummie Bears out of the vending machine at the same time!
Tracy: LOL. This is what I had yesterday.... leftover pizza pull apart from The Pie. Beef jerky. Cottage cheese, sour patch kids, noodles, tuna casserole and the hugest bowl of ice-cream since I don't even know when... like YEARS.
Am grazing like cow.
Today brought frozen chimi AND piece of pizza for lunch. Moo!!!
Me: I hate PMS..It is making me eat... mmm.. gummie bears...Whoops the bag ripped, now I have to eat the whole thing!
Tracy: It’s making me eat mmmm... everything.
Me: Me too! I have a food baby!
Tracy: ...I have a food GREMLIN.
Me: I was hoping that the Doritos would be good like Mexico.. They weren’t.. so I ate them anyway
Tracy: LOL
You should write a blog about your food baby. How it was conceived, how much it weighs... the due date...
Me: I think not.. that kinda is gross!
Tracy: I think it would be hilarious!! The title would be.. I'm Expecting ...again!!
Me: It was conceived on the cruise... All those wonderful meals we had together... sneaking out late to have just one more French fry
Tracy: The father was a guy from the Grand Buffet... he handed out meat lol
Me: Oh no he was not the father, the father was that sweet dish I met at dinner!
Tracy: It was a torrid romance... His name was Grand Marnier Soufflé. He was French Good lookin, sweet, exotic...
Me: Oh he was smokin hot!
Tracy: Prolly a duke or something cause he was RICH.
But it was not meant to be... he had to stay with his ship. You had to return home. But with the lovechild you made together.... the.... food baby. It weighs 8lbs 7 oz And even tho it looks like it’s come to term it refuses to leave!!
Me: I just don't have it in me to raise another child!!
Tracy: lol!!
Me: Can you see the tabloids now.. Single Mother of 5 has Food Baby!!! How will she feed another mouth!?
Tracy: ...lol still think it would make a funny blog, you never do anything completely silly like that.
Me: Ya I do.. the engagement blog.. that one was epic
Tracy: lol... next you'll be pregnant!!
Me: lol.. ok fine!
** To be ABSOLUTLY clear to anyone reading that this is a joke! No actual food baby exists; in addition I am in no way expecting a child of ANY kind. No food was harmed in the making of this Blog. Any and all pounds gained from this experience will be permanently removed within the next 30 to 45 days.
Me: SO I am like a PIG right now.That is what I am sayen....
Tracy: ...so I ate a candy bar for breakfast.
Me: Yesterday I had a donut, hot chocolate and pizza, a bag of honey cashews, AND M&M's.. all while at work!!
Today I have had a Fiber one bar, and a bag of Doritos and 1/2 a bottle of water, but I also got a bag of Cheetos and Gummie Bears out of the vending machine at the same time!
Tracy: LOL. This is what I had yesterday.... leftover pizza pull apart from The Pie. Beef jerky. Cottage cheese, sour patch kids, noodles, tuna casserole and the hugest bowl of ice-cream since I don't even know when... like YEARS.
Am grazing like cow.
Today brought frozen chimi AND piece of pizza for lunch. Moo!!!
Me: I hate PMS..It is making me eat... mmm.. gummie bears...Whoops the bag ripped, now I have to eat the whole thing!
Tracy: It’s making me eat mmmm... everything.
Me: Me too! I have a food baby!
Tracy: ...I have a food GREMLIN.
Me: I was hoping that the Doritos would be good like Mexico.. They weren’t.. so I ate them anyway
Tracy: LOL
You should write a blog about your food baby. How it was conceived, how much it weighs... the due date...
Me: I think not.. that kinda is gross!
Tracy: I think it would be hilarious!! The title would be.. I'm Expecting ...again!!
Me: It was conceived on the cruise... All those wonderful meals we had together... sneaking out late to have just one more French fry
Tracy: The father was a guy from the Grand Buffet... he handed out meat lol
Me: Oh no he was not the father, the father was that sweet dish I met at dinner!
Tracy: It was a torrid romance... His name was Grand Marnier Soufflé. He was French Good lookin, sweet, exotic...
Me: Oh he was smokin hot!
Tracy: Prolly a duke or something cause he was RICH.
But it was not meant to be... he had to stay with his ship. You had to return home. But with the lovechild you made together.... the.... food baby. It weighs 8lbs 7 oz And even tho it looks like it’s come to term it refuses to leave!!
Me: I just don't have it in me to raise another child!!
Tracy: lol!!
Me: Can you see the tabloids now.. Single Mother of 5 has Food Baby!!! How will she feed another mouth!?
Tracy: ...lol still think it would make a funny blog, you never do anything completely silly like that.
Me: Ya I do.. the engagement blog.. that one was epic
Tracy: lol... next you'll be pregnant!!
Me: lol.. ok fine!
** To be ABSOLUTLY clear to anyone reading that this is a joke! No actual food baby exists; in addition I am in no way expecting a child of ANY kind. No food was harmed in the making of this Blog. Any and all pounds gained from this experience will be permanently removed within the next 30 to 45 days.
Monday, January 25, 2010
I was gonna…
Ever have one of those weekends where you were going to get a bunch of stuff done and NOTHING gets done? Yep- that is pretty much how the last few days of my life went.
I had a whole list of things I was gonna do that included:
*I was gonna clean out my closets and do a DI run
*I was gonna go to the store and buy Cameron a sippy cup for daycare
*I was gonna make a CD for Tracy of cruise pictures
*I was gonna post a Blog with said pictures
*I was gonna load said pictures from my camera to the computer
*I was gonna stick the letter in the mail that is still in my purse
These things are not that hard, really. I was gonna get them done, and instead I played on the floor with Cameron, took a nap, ate, read Lori and Brent's blog, and caught up on some TV that was recorded while I was gone…. Ya.. you know there are a lot of things I was gonna do, but I am just gonna have to do them another time.
I had a whole list of things I was gonna do that included:
*I was gonna clean out my closets and do a DI run
*I was gonna go to the store and buy Cameron a sippy cup for daycare
*I was gonna make a CD for Tracy of cruise pictures
*I was gonna post a Blog with said pictures
*I was gonna load said pictures from my camera to the computer
*I was gonna stick the letter in the mail that is still in my purse
These things are not that hard, really. I was gonna get them done, and instead I played on the floor with Cameron, took a nap, ate, read Lori and Brent's blog, and caught up on some TV that was recorded while I was gone…. Ya.. you know there are a lot of things I was gonna do, but I am just gonna have to do them another time.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
The countdown has ended...
I have removed the cruise countdown from my blog, I know many of you are checking once, twice, even three times a day to see an update and all of the amazing pictures from the cruise, and they are coming, but while I was gone a very tragic thing happened that many of you know about; the earth quake in Haiti.
We were in the Grand Cayman Islands when it took place, and thank goodness that the only impact that the earthquake had on our cruise was the cancellation of excursions out on the reef (including our swimming with the stingray’s tour) due to tsunami warnings. But the impact it had on Haiti was more than I can put into words.
As we watched the news updates from our cabin that evening I was horrified by the images and fought back tears as the first thought I had was for the children in a small orphanage located outside of Port au Prince. Two of my friends/co-workers have children there that they have been in the process of adopting for some time. They have suffered many heart aches in the process and in my mind this one was not one they deserve!
I may be wrong. Because of this awful tragedy they have been given the go ahead to take the children out of the country- with the proper paperwork, and if they have the means.
Brent left today with a group of people to bring back 70 children, yes SEVENTY! Among them are their two children, Nathan (who they only recently received information that he is OK) and Jessica (who they have not located).
My heart goes out to this small family, one of thousands that have been affected by this earthquake. I ask that you keep them in your thoughts and prayers that they will be able to return safely.
The countdown I had on my blog can not compare to the one Lori and Brent have had, please take a moment to visit Lori and Brent’s Blog for updates: Countdown to Homecoming
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